From an article in The Onion, titled "Plastic Surgeon General Warns of Small Breasts Epidemic":

'The undersized breasts problem in the United States has reached crisis level,' Saddler said during a press conference held at the National Centers for Rhinoplasty and Microdermabrasion. 'Unless they receive immediate cosmetic treatment, millions of women in this country will lose the attention of their male acquaintances completely, and some may never be able to land husbands or, if they are somehow already married, keep their husbands' interest.'

The piece goes on to explain "how important it is for women who believe they already have large breasts to remember that they can almost always benefit from having even larger breasts."

If only. [Sigh.]